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[26 Aug 2004|11:56pm] |
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 BITTER |
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music |
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family guy |
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due to lack of objection to my previous post, this'll be my last entry.
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[25 Aug 2004|12:44pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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NFG |
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so i was thinking about stopping writing in my journal or making it friends only. i'm sure most people know why...there's not really any point in updating anymore cuz i have to water everything down and make it so vague. lemme know what you think.
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[23 Aug 2004|12:15pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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music |
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spiderman 2 soundtrack |
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so i had a lot of fun with my brother's friends this weekend :)! i can't wait until next weekend! classes started today, but i just had one, :/! psych at 11:15 which i barely made it to on time. it's all good, cuz the class sounds like it should be pretty interesting (i'm a dork like that). i still haven't bought my books yet cuz i'm dreading emptying my bank account. i should probably do that today or tomorrow tho. i hope this week goes well and i can have fun this weekend. i'm crossing my fingers. one of the girls in the room across from me is gonna go visit jmu with me one weekend in september when there's not a home game. i can't wait to go down there and see everyone! alright well lunch time, peace!
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[19 Aug 2004|07:11pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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direct effect |
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happy birthday to me. i've left my room like twice all day, :/! i just wish my friends had more time to spend with me today...oh well... i've met a total of two people on my hall, hopefully i meet more at the hall meeting on saturday. i have a guy RA! that should be interesting...hopefully he won't be too strict. it still hasn't sunk in that i'm not going home tomorrow. i'd really like to skip the whole 'being new' part and just get into a routine, but such is life. anyways, easy mac for dinner...i'm out.
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[17 Aug 2004|06:52pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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music |
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"So Far Away" -- Staind |
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oh my god! last night in woodbridge. haha, i still don't think this has sunk in yet...! even while i was packing up everything i own today. i feel like i should stop writing in this stupid thing, sorta leave it back in high school, but god knows i'll keep updating. this summer was kinda rough. but as nato said last night, it still rocked, :). fun was definitely had :D! i want to say thank you to everyone that was there last night, i love you all. haha, this is like the end of an era. i think it's weirder for me than most people because woodbridge is the only place i've ever called home. and when it comes down to it...i'm gonna miss it. college'll be an adventure tho, :). i can't wait!
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[13 Aug 2004|10:22pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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new found gloooooooooooooooory |
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well just as an fyi, a week at christine's cabin and a chat with my parents can work wonders for the soul. oh except talking to my parents made me feel guilty cuz now i feel like i'm not their daughter, i'm their problem. i know that's not what they think, but that's how i feel. i know they're walking on egg shells with me right now cuz they 'don't want to upset me'. meh, whatever. just treat me like everyone else and i'll be fine. after we got home from the cabins today i got invited to go to red robin with everyone and i started to drive over there but for some reason i got half way there and decided to just drive around instead. that evolved into going to best buy and that evolved into spending $50 on cd's and a new case to put them in (my old one can't hold them all). i bought maroon 5, which i've been wanting forever, taking back sunday, and new found glory. four days in between now and the time i leave for school. oh lordy! haha! my mommy bought me a lot of school stuff while i was gone, so i think i just have to get a bed spread and some dishes. i didn't get a chance to say bye to jenny, which makes me sad :(. i hate goodbyes tho. i know that there are people i need to see before i leave, but i just really don't want to do it. amy's already gone. down one best friend :/. at least everyone else i can see on breaks. well hopefully i'll make 89234839 new friends at tech! anyways, my tummy is rumbly, peace out! <3!
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[09 Aug 2004|01:57am] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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music |
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ashlee simpson (...yeah i know...) |
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i'm scared shitless. of everything happening in my life right now. it's like i have this constant knot in my stomach. all the what-ifs are killing me. jesus...
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[07 Aug 2004|08:47pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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crickets |
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the beach was AMAZING! i had an awesome time with amy! emerald isle is such a gorgeous place and the boys there are SO hot! ;)! i got burned in really sporadic places on my stomach because apparently i don't know how to put on tanning oil and/or sun screen. haha, it's all good. dairy queen and mini golf (i wond the first night! WOOT!) dominated our night life except for a couple nights that consisted of meeting BOYS! :)! haha! i'd go into more detail but i doubt anyone is too interested, so i'll spare you. upon my return to my house i discovered an interesting fact that i guess i'm eveuntually gonna have to confront someone about. i hate it when you can't trust the people you want to. uhmmm, i still need to check with tom/matt/corey about our outting tomorrow, and then the day after that it's off to christine's cabin! i can't wait! :)! when i get back from the cabin i have exactly five days until i leave for school! speaking of which i need to go call my roommate cuz she called while i was gone. anyways, off to silver diner for some chill time with my favorite people ever! :)! peace!
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[27 Jul 2004|09:52pm] |
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mood |
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alone |
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music |
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Evanescence |
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ok, look. i'm sorry to EVERYONE who was there and then some. especially mandie and nato. you guys are great friends and i really appreciate that you're not mad at me. larissa, laura, and patrick: i can't thank you enough. i love all of you so much. you're actions really meant a lot to me. thank you thomas for showing concern when you found out what happened. i just wanted to thank everyone who has been so supportive, you really keep me sane. i want everyone to know that i really am trying.
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[21 Jul 2004|10:01pm] |
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mood |
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sick, but EXCITED |
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music |
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"One Thing" -- Finger 11 |
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well orientation was interesting! the first day was long and drawn out. it definitely could've been condensed into one day but staying in the dorms turned out to be pretty cool. i didn't really like having to break up into small groups and talk about 'issues', that was kinda dumb. i sorta had a crisis at the beginning of the night, but christine came to the rescue and everything was fine. we hung out with phil all night and met some really cool/funny guys that we hung out with until we split up to take showers. when i got out of the shower, phil, patrick, kashif and inho were chilling in my hall and so we stayed there talking until the fire alarm went off somewhere around 3:30. after we came inside we decided that we weren't gonna sleep in our room but were gonna spend the night in a lounge we had been in earlier, so that's were we all slept. and when i say slept what i really meant was stayed awake. cuz we didn't stop talking til like 5 and we had to be up at 6:30 and i don't know, when i'm with just guys i have a lot of trouble falling asleep for some reason. weird. so yeah i think i drifted off for like 20 minutes or so, haha! definitely fell asleep during the lecture thing in mcbride for college of science kids and barely made it through scheduling and stuff today. but i slept the whole way back in the car and then some. but basically i have 1 class on monday (plus math but i only have to go the first time cuz the rest is online or something), FOUR on tuesday, one on wednesday, and then 3 on thursday. and i have NO classes on friday! i LOVE that! :)! i'm SO excited to move in and meet new people and have the time of my life. it's gonna be SO much fun! ah! i'm so happy that brylee, christine, larissa, patrick, phil, inho, etc. are gonna be at the same school as me. they can't do anything but make it more fun! :D! omg, this is gonna rock.
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[19 Jul 2004|11:25pm] |
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mood |
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 hungry |
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"I'll Be" -- Edwin McCain |
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hmmm, i don't usually do these dumb little survey thingies...but since i'm bored outta my MIND right now i decided to give this one a try. there might be two people in the world who are gonna take the time to read this, but whatever...it'll entertain me for the next 20 minutes!
SECTION 1//FACTS
+Age: 17...yeah that's right, i'm a youngin...august 19th can't come soon enough!
+Height: 5'6 ish, i don't really know...
+Hair Color: BLONDE
+Eye Color: blue
+Where I'm at: the "office" in my house
+Fear(s): feet...aaaaand the *other* one, hahaha :)
SECTION 2//HAVE YOU EVER?
+Peed in your pants? yeah i definitely have, i don't think it was that long ago either...;) j/k
+Ran away from home? yeeeeeeeah
+Fallen off your bed? no, what idiot does that?
+Fallen for a relative? ok, gross. but i've had a relative fall for my brother, AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
+Had plastic surgery? yeah i got my boobs done a while back, can't you tell? ;)
+Failed a grade? no
+Fail a whole year? no
+Broke someone's heart? oh yeah right
+Had your heart broken? maybe at the time i thought so
+Had a dream come true? i graduated high school...does that count?
+Done something you regret? no. that may sound weird...but i regret NOTHING. because it's easier to look at the mistakes you made as lessons you learned, and if you never would have made that mistake then you never would have learned the lesson. so there.
+Cheated on a test? find me someone who hasn't
+Been raped? last time i checked...
+Broken a body part? hell yes! i broke my pinky, haha
SECTION 3// CURRENTLY
+Wearing: these brownish corduroy (sp?!) pants, i pink spaghetti strap and this CUTE jacket i just bought at hollister, :)
+Eating: gum?
+Feeling: hopeful...intrigued?
+Reading: mine and nato's conversation on AIM
+Located: like i said before, "office" of my house
+Chatting with: nato, all my other friends are GOOOOONE
+Watching: uhhh?
+Craving: i ALWAYS crave IHOP
+Should really: pack and then go to bed since i have to leave for orientation at 5:30 tomorrow
SECTION 4//DO YOU...
+Brush your teeth? ok, who doesn't?
+Like anyone? i wish
+Have any piercings? my ears and i HAD my belly button...oh well...i'll get it redone someday...and then hopefully i can get my cartilidge (sp?!) done when i'm 18
+Drive? i was born when i got my license
+Love GOD? i'd like to think so
+Ever get off the damn computer? at night time, not so much
SECTION 5// FRIENDS
+Who is your best? i don't wanna name drop but i think we all know.
+Who is the loudest? amy
+Who is the shyest? mandie? i don't know
+Who is the hottest? uhm...hottest...i might go with jared?
+Who laughs the most? definitely bry
+Do you only hang out with a certain type? def. not
+Do you belong to a crew? BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND, haha...maybe not so much in a month or so
+Do you hang out with the opposite sex? oh god yes
+Do you consider yourself popular? oh yeah, definitely. so did the entire student body of the high school i attended. uhmmm, wtf kinda question is that?
+Do you trust your friends? haha...not usually
+Are you a good friend? no i think i pretty much suck
+Can you keep a secret? if i want to
SECTION 6// LAST PERSON YOU...
+Hugged: dan, jerry, jenny, and tarja all at the same time
+IMed: jared
+Talked to on the phone: brylee, who else?
+Yelled at: amy
+Checked out: dan?
+Fell In love with: still waiting on that one
+Tripped: meeeeeeeegan at work today
+Turned down: wow, i don't remember...it's been a while tho
SECTION 7// PERSONAL
+What do you want to be when you grow up? a ballerina
+What was the worst day of your life? uhmmmm, there isn't a day that stands out, looking back i'd say the day i decided to take accutane...but i didn't know at the time how bad it would be...other than that there's just been a few really low points that i can't really pinpoint.
+What has been the best day of your life? yeah, same thing applies here, nothing really stands out.
+What comes first in your life? the people i love
+Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush? no/no/no
+What do you usually think of before you go to bed? if i told you, you'd make fun of me
SECTION 8// FAVORITE
+Film: i have SO many, lotr is up there...10 things i hate about you...chocolat...bend it like beckham...there's a bunch
+Song: omg, dashboard confessional -- "vindicated" ...or finger 11 -- "one thing" i change like every 30 seconds
+Group: yellow card
+Store: aero...charlotte russe...i'm sorta giving in to the whole american eagle/hollister scene
+Relative: uncle RICK
+Sport: gymnasticks will always have a special place in my heart
+Vacation spot: i'd LOVE to go to europe...!
+Ice cream flavor: chubby hubby <3!
+Fruit: bananas...or grapefruit
+Candy: twix...snickers...reese's, do i have to just pick one?
+Car: i want a mini cooper SO bad!
+Magazine: ok, just to clarify...cosmo is trash. i'm literally the ONLY human with a vagina on the planet who thinks that, but whatever.
+Day of the week: friday and saturday
+Name for a girl: chloe or madison
+Name for a boy: i don't plan on having one, so i hadn't really thought about it.
SECTION 9// DO YOU
+Like to give hugs? always
+Like to walk in the rain? depends who with
+Sleep with or without clothes? with some clothes...but they can't be baggy or loose. i'm OCD, i don't know.
+Prefer black or blue pens? black
+Dress up for halloween? aw i wish, that would be so fun
+Have a job? yeah, i'm a poop-picker-upper...aka lifeguard.
+Like to travel? yes but at the same time no. i like seeing new places but i don't like living out of a bag
+Sleep on your side, tummy, or back? side and stomach
+Want to marry? haha, i remember in 7th grade i stood up in front of my confirmation class and swore i wouldn't get married...how times have changed...
+Have a goldfish? yeah i (or my mom) have like 30
+Ever had the falling dream? oh like that obnoxious sensation you get right before you fall asleep, i HATE that!
+Have stuffed animals? yeah i think i have one that bry gave me as an inside joke and then one we got at the beach last year.
+Go on vacation? EMERALD ISLE THE 31ST - 7TH!!!!
SECTION 10//WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN YOU FIRST HEAR THE WORD
+Abortion: murder
+Bill Clinton: dick
+South Park: hilarious
+Summer: drama
+Tattoos: 18
+Piercing: effing belly button
+Drinking: alcohol
+Guys: church...don't ask
LAST PERSON WHO-
. Slept in your bed: the male prostitute i picked up
. Saw you cry: my mom
. Made you cry: hmmm, let's see. i'm sure he knows.
. You shared a drink with: uhhh? not sure.
. You went to the movies with: uhhh, jerry, wyatt, carl, jerry, and maybe nathan. i don't remember who all was there.
. You went to the mall with: i usually go to the mall by myslef, :/.
. Yelled at you: if we talking about serious yelling, prolly bry...and i prolly deserved it.
. Sent you an email: jerry
HAVE YOU EVER...
. Said "I Love You" and meant it? yes
. Gotten in a fight with your pet? ok, who does that?
. Danced naked: i don't like nudity...
. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: no
. Wish you were the opposite sex: only because boys don't bleed from their genitals every month.
. Had an imaginary friend: omg, tell me i'm a loser but when i was in like 6th grade i had an imaginary leonardo dicaprio friend. aaaaaaaahahahahahaha. i'm a loser :).
. Do you have a crush on someone: for like the 8th time, no.
. What book are you reading now: some dumb novel to pass the time at work.
. Worst feeling in the world: rejection or being left out
. Future daugter's name: chloe or madison
. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: no, i generally throw them off the bed.
. What's under your bed: shelves...my tv...dirty clothes (loft bed)
. Favorite sport to watch: i don't know, it depends who's playing.
. Siblings: zach anddaniel
. Location: woodbridge, va...but not for too much longer
. College plans: i'm gonna be a hokie BABY!
. Piercings/tattoos: i want a tatoo...a really small one...
...BEEN TO
. California: no
. Hawaii: no
. Mexico: no
. China: no
. Canada: no
EXTRA STUFF
. Do you do drugs: noooooooo and i don't approve of people who do
. Do you drink: yeah
. Who is your best friend(s): again with the name dropping
. What are you most scared of: feet and spiders
. What clothes do you sleep in: undies and a spaghetti strap
. Where do you want to get married: i don't know, i'll cross that bridge when i come to it
. Who do you really hate: there's people i wish i could hate
. Been in Love: this is kinda redundant...
. Do you drive: hell yes
. Do you have a job: oh my god...
. Do you like being around people: depends who 'people' are
. Are you for world peace: ok what dick head wouldn't be?
. Are you a health freak: haha, i read that as 'are you a freak?' aaaaaahahahaha, no i eat what i want when i want to.
STUFF
. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: nooooo
. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: ok i didn't CRY... i chose to vent my anger in different ways, ha.
. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: no limits.
. Are you lonely right now: always and forever
. Song thats stuck in your head a lot: edwim mccain -- 'i'll be' i looooooooove that song.
. Do you want kids: i think i do.
FAVORITE...
. Room in house: my room
. Type of music: i don't know, i don't stick to one type
. Band(s): i guess yellowcard tops the list right now
. Color: pink <3
. Perfume or cologne? ok, it depends which sex.
. Month: any month that's warm
. Stone: diamonds i guess? hadn't really thought about it
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
. Cried: no
. Bought the hollister jacket and the finger 11 cd
. Gotten sick: no
. Sang: always
. Said "I love you": haha, i can't remember the last time
. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: i didn't have a great urge to, no
. Met someone new: well brad sorta
. Missed someone: in some twisted way i guess i have
. Hugged someone: no :(
. Kissed someone: no :(
ok that took a lot longer than it should have, bed time for me.
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[16 Jul 2004|07:14pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
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music |
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"Vindicated" -- Dashboard Confessional |
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woooow, it's been a long ass time since i last updated. i got back from new jersey/new york today, mucho fun! i left last sunday to go to work camp with my church. it freaking monsooned (yes i made that into a verb) the first day we were there. like it literally poured ALL day. haha, in the afternoon we were working out in it, all of us soaking wet and then we went and played in the mud. that was GREAT! haha! other than that we just painted some cabins the whole time, kinda monotonous... but then we went into the city on thursday which was really cool, other than the fact that we had this annoying tour guide. she was ALWAYS happy and she was obsessed with the 9/11 attacks. it was kinda weird to see her talking about all the people who died with a smile on her face. anyways, i generally had fun :). it was definitely a change to be one of the oldest people in the group, but i figured out that some of the younger kids that i had previously dismissed as immature and annoying aren't that bad. i don't have to work again until monday, which i'm definitely happy about and then i'm gonna go to orientation with the ladies and patrick on tuesday and wednesday. THEN after that is the beach and then off to school, the summer's half way over!
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[02 Jul 2004|11:23pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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"Outside" -- Staind |
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crappy last couple of days :/ i could really use a break...from being me.
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[01 Jul 2004|01:05am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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"Meant to Live" -- Switch Foot |
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everybody here is living life in fear
of falling out of line
tearing lives apart and breaking lots of hears
just to pass the time
and my eyes get red in the back of your head
this place will make you blind
put it all behind me and i'll be just fine
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[28 Jun 2004|01:13am] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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music |
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"Everytime" -- Britney Spears (yeah i know...) |
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i had a totally cool day today :) woke up, went to church...had nursery duty...uhmmm, then came home and slept (can't go wrong there) and then went to johnny o's grad party! lot's of fun! hung out with jenny and we played foosball with the boys, and lost horribly :)! good times! aaaaand then i went to play basketball with jenny, sean, and brandon! omg, i LOVE our games! it's something we do at least once a year since freshman year. it's like full contact and it's just so much fun. then we took showers and went out to eat at glory days, :)! phil was working and i'd like to announce that him and i are getting married, AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! yeah, j/k ;)! anyways, then we went back to the lambert's and jenny and sean and i had a nice conversation. they make me feel good about myself, i like hanging out with them :) sean help put a lot of things into perspective for me, and basically i need change. change is good. and i can't wait :).
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[25 Jun 2004|10:32pm] |
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mood |
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mellow |
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music |
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"Meant to Live" -- Switch Foot |
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pet peeve: people who see what they want to and not what's actually there. (thx thomas)
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[23 Jun 2004|10:22pm] |
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mood |
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busy |
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music |
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sarah crying |
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let's see, i hung out with andrea, jenny, and kim last night! that was fun! haha! we went to see stepford wives which was good. then we went to milwaukee to chill out for a while. jenny and andrea spent the night and then i went to springfield with andrea today. lots of fun! :)! then i went to work today and my COUSINS got here! hooray! sarah's 2, abby's 4, and kyle's 6. then my aunt and totally cool uncle are here too! i'm excited! all three of my cousins are really easy to bond with, i accomplished it in like 10 minutes. :)! i love little kids. oh, i didn't work yesterday but apparently a lot of drama went down! like yelling at each other and almost quitting and such. exciting, lol! anyways, we may have some changes in our staff at good old edgewood, we'll see! anyways, i'm not gonna go down to beach week to visit everyone cuz my family's here. but that's fine with me. anyways, one of the children's crying, peace out!
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[20 Jun 2004|04:27pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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music |
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law and order |
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well my grad party was last night, it was awesome, i had a lot of fun :)! haha! michelle, zach and megan definitely made the night pretty interesting, ;)! enough said. uhmmm, everyone left around one or so but me, amy, nato, thomas, and brylee were chilling outside my house talking until 3:45! haha! it was insane. everyone left to go to a delayed beach week today...yeah...i'll be here all week. hopefully i'll get some hang out time with jenny, andrea, michelle, and megan. it should be pretty cool! :)! optimism is key... haha, oh YEAH! let me tell the world: i have to go to therapy! aaaaaahahahahahahaha! i got in ginormous trouble the other night and my parents basically were gonna let me off if i agree to go, so that's how it worked out. it's all good tho, i guess therapy can't HURT, so whatever. i not looking forward to it, but yeah i guess all i can do is wait and see how it goes. ummm, that's pretty much all that's going on...:) i'm gonna go finish up law and order, peace out!
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[17 Jun 2004|12:17am] |
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mood |
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i don't know, you tell me |
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music |
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"Accidentally In Love" -- Counting Crows |
] |
i feel like i should be writing an entry about how i'm an idiot and i can never get anything right and blah blah blah. i don't know, i'm just not in the mood. i always dig myself into these holes and expect more chances from the people i piss off. maybe i should just start getting used to being alone.
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[16 Jun 2004|12:15am] |
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mood |
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okay |
] |
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music |
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lifehouse |
] |
i love these lyrics:
this doubt is screaming in my face
in this familiar place,
sheltered and concealed
and if this night won't let me rest
don't let me second guess
what i know to be real, put away
all i know for tonight and maybe i just might learn
to let it go, take my security from me
and maybe finally i won't have to know everything
i am falling into grace to the unknown to where you are
and faith makes everybody scared it's the unknown,
the don't-know that keeps me hanging on
to you i got nothing left to defend
i cannot pretend that everything makes sense
but does it really matter now if i do not know how
to figure this thing out
i am against myself again trying to fit
these pieces in walking on a cloud of dust to get to you
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